November Movie Reviews
December 15, 2019
Rating: 10/10
If nautical nonsense be something you wish, this is absolutely where you need to be. Watching this feels akin to a fever dream. I loved it, and you’ll judge me for it, but I think it’s either something incredibly deep and nuanced that I don’t really understand, or a movie that means absolutely nothing. Either way, it’s such an experience. This was marketed as a horror movie, and I went into it thinking that, but just know that when I left, I had to sit in my car for a good five minutes laughing–no one in my theatre laughed! It’s scary at points and ridiculous at others; it feels dramatic and tense, but it’s also nonsensical. I have no idea what to categorize this as. If you’re not a fan of weird, arthouse things, don’t see this. It’s shot in black and white with a cramped aspect ratio, and at one point, Willem Defoe monologues for five minutes about the utter bleakness of the sea and how he longs for death and to bring death to others because Robert “Twilight” Pattinson insulted his cooking skills. I loved that, but you might not. If you’re looking to be confused but want to have a wonderful time, see this as soon as possible. Eggers masters character, dialogue, atmosphere and visuals in one fell swoop. This movie is a force to be reckoned with.
Rating: 7/10
Creating a sequel to one of the best horror movies ever made (Stanley Kubrick’s “The Shining”) is certainly no simple feat, but Flanagan and Co. didn’t do half bad. Mike Flanagan (“The Haunting of Hill House”) creates something that doesn’t meet its potential, but is a solid thriller with some lovely character work to boot. Though it tips over into campy and cheesy horror at some points, it really does achieve some great moments of tension throughout. It’s absolutely a tribute to Kubrick’s film, but it also ends up being a bit of its own animal–it tries more than its predecessor to bring Stephen King’s original text faithfully to the screen. However, because of that, the tone of it feels a little underdeveloped. I remember saying as the credits rolled that this felt like a good movie but not a sequel. That still holds true. There are moments where the homages really work, and those stick out, but there’s pieces where the film feels bogged down by trying too hard to imitate the vibe of Kubrick–I don’t think you really can. All in all, though, this really was surprisingly good, and it also has a very cute cat.
“JOJO RABBIT”
Rating: 1/10
So. There’s a lot of people out there who like this movie a lot (my grandma, for one), and don’t get me started on the film discussion/argument we had at my mom’s birthday dinner. But I’m going to stand by my opinions and tell you why I’ve got them. This movie is an “anti-hate satire” about a ten-year-old boy named Jojo. Jojo is growing up as a Nazi in WWII Germany with Hitler as an imaginary friend, and then he finds out his mom is hiding a Jewish girl in their attic. That’s the tagline, and I have no idea how it got sold. Satire is meant to expose or criticize; it’s meant to have a point and serve a purpose, and the biggest point this movie makes is “Nazis are dumb!” Sue me, but I don’t think that’s a worthwhile point to be making in the 21st century. If you’re making a WWII movie and using anti-Semitic jokes and whistles to make your point, at least make a good point, and I might forgive you. This movie leaves the audience feeling satisfied by placing them in the position of the morally enlightened, as opposed to Sam Rockwell’s buffoonish, misguidedly gay-coded Nazi officer, or Rebel Wilson’s bumbling, oafish delivery of ridiculously anti-Semitic bits played for laughs. How could these idiots kill 11 million people? Perhaps this is just because I’m German-Polish-Jewish, and I’m clearly not the target audience, but I was wildly disappointed. There are some okay things about this movie–the shots are pretty and both child actors do an amazing job, but I’m not recommending this to anyone. You’ll see a lot of praise for this movie. This is me, telling you to think twice.
“PARASITE”
Rating: 10/10
I’ve said this to a lot of people, and now I’ll say it to you: please don’t be afraid of subtitles. I am not exaggerating when I say I think this may be one of the greatest movies I’ve ever seen. Now, my words really mean nothing, and I have zero credibility as a high schooler whose film knowledge comes from a combination of Wikipedia and faking it, but this blew me away. It’s hilarious and tense and a little scary and incredibly shocking, and I really think it’s a triumph. “Parasite” comes out of left field with a roundhouse kick to the face, and you’ll love every second of it. The cinematography is minimalist and lovely to look at, but then it suddenly becomes bombastic and loud and still just as stunning. The characters are all standouts–they’re written in this understated way, so that you don’t notice exactly what’s happening until it’s right there in front of you. Go in blind–the less you know about this film, the better. This is what I’ll give you: it’s about class struggle and familial relationships and how far we’ll go to feel like we belong. Please don’t be afraid of subtitles.
“FORD V. FERRARI”
Rating: 7/10
If you’re looking to simply have fun at the movies, this is a film for you. It’s not asking you to think too much; it’s not asking you to believe too much; it’s just asking you to watch some famous actors drive cars and do their thing. If it’s making any point, it’s trying to say that creating something pure under the strain of capitalism and corporate vision is impossible, but that message is a bit overshadowed by the fact that this movie has the most product placement I’ve ever seen, and it’s running on the Fox/Disney engine. Regardless, a lot of this film is pretty good. The issues come from pacing that drags, especially in the first half, and a lot of characterization sacrificed for the spectacle. The standout is the editing and cinematography (you’d be surprised how tense you get just watching cars go in circles). There’s some truly lovely work here from a technical aspect–I can’t even think of how you’d go about shooting some of the racing scenes they did here. All in all, “serious ‘Talladega Nights,’” as I saw someone call it, isn’t perfect, but it’s entertaining. A perfect primetime movie for dads everywhere.
DECEMBER RECOMMENDATION
“DIE HARD”
Rating: 8/10
I think this is the best Christmas story ever told. It’s also the perfect action movie–there aren’t any wild jumps in logic (and if there are, you don’t notice until afterwards); each ridiculous stunt feels somehow believable; the dialogue is snappy, funny and quick. There aren’t a lot of blockbuster films like this that can check all the boxes. There is nothing that really compares. It’s pitch perfect on every level. “Die Hard” is endlessly re-watchable and incredibly enjoyable, and it’s a film like no other to get you in the holiday spirit.
